A 16-year-old patient asks you not to tell their parent something they've disclosed. How do you handle it?

Confidentiality with minors — genuinely complex, jurisdiction-dependent, and a good test of intellectual honesty.

Written by Victoria Young, DDS · NYU College of Dentistry '24 · Penn Dental Medicine

The trap

Promising 'of course, I won't tell anyone' before knowing what's coming. It's the instinctive kind answer and it can trap you into either breaking a promise or concealing a danger.

How to structure your answer

Don't promise confidentiality before hearing it → understand what it is → apply the actual legal framework → involve them in any disclosure → preserve trust.

Never promise blanket confidentiality up front
Distinguish safety risks from private matters that can be held
Know minors' confidentiality varies by state and by topic
If you must disclose, tell the patient first and let them participate
Prioritize keeping them willing to come back

A weak answer

What most people say

I'd tell him that what he says to me stays with me and he can trust me. Teenagers won't tell you anything real if they think it's going straight to a parent, and I'd rather hear the truth so I can actually be useful. If I thought his mom needed to know, I'd work on convincing him to tell her himself.

Promises blanket confidentiality first, which is the trap this question is built on.

A stronger answer

What lands

I'd stop before promising anything, and that's the part I'd have to catch myself on, because the instinct is to say of course. What I'd say is: I keep almost everything, and if there's something I can't keep, I'll tell you first and you can be in the room. Then I'd listen. Vaping, a piercing his mom would hate, that stays with me. Someone hurting him, or him hurting himself, doesn't, and that line varies by state, so I'd want to know mine. The kids I coached talked to the adults who hadn't lied to them.

Sets the limit before hearing it, and sorts private matters from safety risks.

The whole difference is one sentence said before the disclosure instead of one apology after it.

These are illustrations, not scripts. An answer you memorize sounds memorized — the point is the shape and the specificity, in your own words and about your own life.

Reading it isn't the same as saying it.

Most people can explain a good answer and still fall apart saying one out loud. Admitted asks you all 100 questions in a faculty voice, records you, and scores your pace and filler words.

Try one interview free Get the guide